Golden Mallet

7/4

The game started off with four spastics stuck at #3.  Ken spend the remainder of the game at #5, while Tom forged ahead, cheating as he went.  He claimed he hit Ken to play off him at #four, but the other 3 players witnessed the ball only hitting the [sic] wickett.  Although he was given a chance to retain fair play and his reputation by taking the shot over, he insisted on going thru with the foul play, thus making this a protested game and giving license to all for cheating.  But Liz made a series of unbelievable shots and won fair & square with dignity intact.

Elizabeth A Beeby

5/27

What an incredible game!  John and Martha (two incredible, professional players) were very close to winning.  All Martha and Dan had to do was hit the stake, but Dan was sent by Martha.  John was in position, but Todd shot through both wickets and hit the stake to steal victory from Martha and Dan and John.

TCB

7/23/88 – In a classic “rain delay” game this Saturday, TDB came from behind and overpowered DJB who had gone thru old #5 first.  He was aided by a rather “sophomorish” play by TCB who, being in last place, came down to the last two wickets to “spoil” TDB’s game.  Needless to say he made the mistake of coming within the ambit of TDB’s ball, who hit him and used the extra shot to grab the gold.  Semper Malletum.  NB Jeff Moehle played in his first GM game.  Further comment would not be in positive vein.  TDB

7/2/88 Making his debut on the Fields of Play, John Hartman scored a moral victory by conquering old #5.  He did this in the highest traditions of GM play — by hitting off other players.  Finishing with a mediocre score of 12 John indicated, “I was certainly honored to be invited to participate in a GM game.  The Field of Play is awe inspiring.  It was a humbling experience and I am eager to return to the F.O.P. for a rematch”.

This observer welcomes John to the F.O.P. and notes that his humility is well attuned to his type of play.

[In DJB’s hand] Todd is very much like his father when it comes to GM  Too bad, huh? DJB

[In TCB’s hand] Dan tried to catch up and hit me into the lake.  I told him it was impossible (for him) but he tried anyway, but I ended up winning.  TCB

[In TDB’s hand]It has been reported that Kelly ‘The Vouu’, the mascot of the GM gave John Hartman a bark of encouragement as he was making his 27th (and unsuccessful) attempt at old #5.  John turned and raised his mallet at The Vouu and said, “that dog almost tasted some mallet!”  Even though John is a novice at GM play his sense of common decency should have stopped him from this senseless act.  He is hereby charged with “attempted assault on The Vouu of the GM”.  His lack of tact is also noted in that he went through “old #5” before Martha Williams.

I won on Sept 25 1987

TCB [also annotated by] LEB

TDB returned to the F.O.P. on 7/25/87 and was victorious.  In reviewing 2 of the 3 games of 6/18/87 it was noted only 2 players’ scores were recorded.  They are disqualified.  LEB noted that she had played in more of these games than were recorded.  It is suggested a blue ribbon panel be appointed to investigate this first allegation of cheating at scores in 17 years of GM play.  Cheating at GM is an honorable and time tested tradition – but not at scoring.

[in TDB’s hand]

Let it be noted that Thomas D Beeby (winner of shot o’ the year award, lord knows when, Chief of GM, etc, etc, etc, etc.) did not – I repeat – did not babble for pages about his win on this date of 7/25/87.  Nonetheless, did he regard his opponents as mortals as we should regard him Zeus of Golden Mallet.  Thomas also showed his admiration for John McEnroe by cloning his vocabulary in the croquet playing field.  After shooting and completing old #5 from 10 feet away, Thomas raised his arms in glory and then drowned himself with his own admiration as though he has won the olympic gold medal or Nobel Peace Prize (which he couldn’t have possibly done either).  The paragraph may be contemplated by others as the start of TCB’s resembling his father… let’s make it clear that this is not true.

Signed, the kin of the man you all love to hate, TCB

[Continued in TDB’s hand] As the above is Todd Beeby’s 1st appearance as a contributor to these annals, and as his father, I do not want to be critical of his efforts.  I believe he should be congratulated for his effort as it is a good one.  Obviously, Todd is one of those personages who will excel at the written word.  His history to date on the fields of play indicates he will not be one of those rare individuals, such as the writer and RHB, who excel both here and on the F.O.P.  It shows that genes do not control everything.

It is true that TDB did carry on somewhat after going through #5 for the 1st time (it only took 2 attempts), but TCB should not be too critical because he so seldom has these moments of high glory considering his style of play.

TDB